Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
