As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize