plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't think brook has ever known best
home. puking in laundry basket.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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