what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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