I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
