when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
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Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
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I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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