I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize