i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
