I'm drive I can fine osifer
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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