dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
