he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
