After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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