How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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