but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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