Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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