so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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