half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
