I think i peed on brittanys purse
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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