who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My life is pants optional.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
