got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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