I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
