i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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