Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
