i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
