Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
it's like iHOP with fire
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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