I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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