I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
