wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
