A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My vagina just recognized that song.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
