It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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