I am puke
okay pat passed out under dana's car
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
