I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
