If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
