i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
