Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
