tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
