i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
