loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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