just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
