Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
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I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
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It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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