i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
