He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
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Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
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*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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