Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just googled if crying burns calories
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
