I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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