smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We have started to decorate penises.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
