Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
