Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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