Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
