So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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