She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
