I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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