Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
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Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
we should paint friendship bongs
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