Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
