Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
