When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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