whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
