Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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