he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
What drink are we having for lunch?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
