What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
