i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
