There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
