This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
the liver wants what the liver wants
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
