my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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