Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
