imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
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Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
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Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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