So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
