weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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