What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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