Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
