Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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