I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
