Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
