Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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