I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
