if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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