hotties wanna shake it
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background