I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
