What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me