Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
