So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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