so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
