it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
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woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
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I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."