Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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