I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
