I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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